Falling Seeds

This time of year, all the trees in our backyard start to shed their leaves. It's been amazing to watch this week, as the leaves are literally "falling" from the trees like snowflakes. Our yard is covered with them, and the wind blows them around. Grace and I watched from the window this morning and I saw the wonder in her eyes. And, I found a sense of joy again, through her, in my own heart.

Thanks to Yoga and Meditation practice, I have an awareness of these ordinary miracles again. There were so many years of my life, so many Fall seasons, that I missed this. Most likely I was caught up in the ideas and issues on my mind. I don't know exactly where I was, but it was not in the moment, where the trees were breathing down their leaves. Somewhere else. Somewhere...

This year, there is that renewed sense of wonder, because I am sharing this with Grace. I thought about how the leaves that fall hold the seeds for the future trees and life forms to grow. I see the falling not only as the letting go of what was once alive on the branches, but as the pathway to a new life that will emerge in due time. Last year, I was starting the get heavy with Grace in my belly. This year, she is here in my arms. This year, we blow the leaves from the patio, and soon there will be more lush branches for us to admire (and, for Grace to climb on too).

The blueprint for life is written in the letting go. I want to remember that today. I often try too hard to hold on and try to make things happen. But, as Grace has been showing me, it is already happening. In just six months she has learned so much. She is sitting, rolling, babbling, and eating. She is expressing her own personality and nature, and showing us love through her body, and in the light in her eyes. The blueprint for all of her accomplishments was already written inside of her. For the most part, we have let her find her way (with some encouragement of course), and it's happening! She gets down on the floor and starts rolling and swimming and laughing.....it's so cool.

Perhaps the truth of life is written in the letting go....letting go of trying, like trying to control perhaps, how Grace is growing and evolving. Letting her go from my body. At first through labor and delivery, and now every day. I release her again and again to find her way in her body and in the world. Letting go of fears and worries, and expectations for the future, and just being here now. Maybe if I look even further.... there's an even deeper letting go here....of my Father as well, who passed away just a month before Grace was born. Through the pain and joy, so side by side, perhaps there is a lesson here in letting LIFE go (and, therefore death as well). I miss him everyday, but he is here in the light in her eyes.

My teacher, Erich Schiffman, said that "LOVE is what is left when you let go of everything you don't need". Our practice teaches us that we don't need most of what we are holding so tightly on to. It teaches us tools to let go on ever level - physically, mentally, spiritually. It asks us to have faith in the falling leaves. It is so hard and sometimes deeply painful to let go. And, sometimes we get lost and forget the wisdom that our heart knows. Thankfully, we need only to open the curtains and look out the window, or look into the eyes of a child or a friend, to be reminded.

NAMASTE,

Karin

PS This post is dedicated to Margaret "Peggy" McCoy

A blog is born

It's a Monday evening and I'm writing, erasing, and writing again this first line of the first blog again and again. I don't know how to begin. This seems funny given all the new beginnings I have experienced in the past year or so. I should be used to this. In a short period of time, I have basically begun a new life, and sometimes I don't recognize myself. Here I am - a new wife, mother, teacher, and now....another new beginning....I'm a Blogger!

A number of students and friends propelled me to start sharing my words through this medium. I am usually so free with expressing myself in my classes, and in conversation. But, writing this is strangely difficult for me. I think it's because I feel the weight of the reality that when I finish saying what I have to say, and press the "publish" button, my words go out into the ether, into what seems like an infinite space of countless possible readers. And, that notion is so daunting to me. I have been on My Space and Facebook for a while now, but I rarely post there. I mostly live a voyeristic exisitence in cyberspace, other than emails. I wonder about how what I may say will be received by so many out there. I guess it is not all that different from what I offer in classes, or when I set an intention in practice, or even when I pray. I write or speak the message and then push "send" - out into the world.

So, I'd like to give this a try. My intention is to post a blog monthly on a particular topic that relates to my Yoga practice or to an interesting life experience, and then keep the conversation going as much as possible (please be patient with this sleep deprived new Mom...thanks). Although this seems so new to me, I am reminded that new beginnings are almost always akward and uncomfortable, but we cannot transform without taking that risk and making our way through.

So, I will stop typing and retyping. I will speak from my heart and try not to worry about how it looks or sounds and just blog it out. I look forward to sharing ideas and opening up conversations. I guess this is the gift of blogging, the feeling of connection that can somehow be felt through the Universe with the touch of a button. I'm still not sure about it. I prefer a hug and a smile, and the feeling of awareness when I tune in and breathe. But, this is a start, a new beginning. Let's see what happens....

Sending LOVE.

Namaste,

Karin